THE DEVIL THAT FED ON MY MISERY

 THE SHADOWS OF DARKNESS 

ADDICTION MEMORIES

 

 

As the shadows of darkness closed in, I gasped
There was no sun, no thunder, no storm, no stars  and the moon.
A world of silent I was swallowed.

There was a stone trapped on my back pulling me down
The farther I walk the the more hunched I became.
The farther I walk the heavier the stone became

As the shadows of darkness close in
The storm of misery oppressed my physical being
As I gasped for air and longed for life
The forces of nature sulked
When I became blind
 I surrender to the shadows of darkness
 And prayed, for mercy
Lord where am I
Lord where is the light.

There was no Light there was no way. Waiting ahead of my scary journey were vultures. Blinded with my own tears. I walked into a bar were I saw what appeared to be a music instrument and it gives money. A place that seemed to offer some time out for me. I had found a place where I can forget and ignore the strain of horrors that I had been running from. Every night after work I had a date, a date with a machine.
Rich and semi famous. I had been making loads of money a business that was booming. My new friend that  made me forget my worries was evil. I had never had of gabbling, I was coming from a very different era.

Evil that has a chameleon character.  'A chameleon changes colours to attract it's pray, once the pray gets closer and sits on it, that's the end' It took six years for me to see the true colour of my friend. I was no longer enjoying the basics of life, even going to play with my kids was too much of an ask my evil friend wanted to be with my friend. As time went by I was no longer enjoying my work as my new friend had been taking all my money.

In no time the misery set in, I was no longer an open person I had became a lie an outsider, lost confidences,  next to no self esteem and my being had became a fake. Phone woman is what I had become. The stone trapped on my back grew larger and I could feel the inner me wasting away. A faint heart beat and a turning stomach on every sight, thought and movements. lord who am?  that was too late I was gone. I had became one of those people I had thought they should know better.

Realising that I was in hell I wanted to turn time back but I was already walking in the shadows of darkness.I could not remember how that all began. Only my mother's words, "The devil follows those who are lost"

Lord where is the light? was a question I asked while waiting for the judgement day. The physical strain, the stress all became me and I feel down. While in hospital batterer, isolated and the unexplainable wish, a huge hand like a warm blanket covered me It was a voice that became me. For months I lay into my hospital bed when some thing, a personal holistic healing massage was sent to me.

"Find your way find your purpose. I planned your journeys way before you where born. What have learnt?  Yes my Lord your massage was in my dreams, I had thought. With that the shadows gave way and the darkness became light.

It took me four years in and out the hospital. while I continue revisiting the dreams. In the dreams was a path that I should have recognise. The cure  was to found only if understand my purpose of life. With that I beat the devil that fed on my misery. I beat the gabling addiction THIRTEEN YEARS TO DATE.

And  I was on my way to find the meaning of life and what is life.....